Questions and Answers

This past year we have started the journey of adoption, which is very exciting for us. I have kept my feelings to myself about all the infertility and the adoption, but sometimes I think it helps to just get those feelings off your chest and not hold them back all the time. Today for some reason is one of those days where it seems harder to handle than others. I haven't wanted to post anything about my feelings because I hate it when people feel sorry for me. I just feel like infertility is one of the trials Andrew and I were meant to go through and we know that everyone else has a ton of other trials they are going through so I never wanted my trial to seem bigger than anyone else's thus the reason for me not posting a lot about the infertility or adoption. But I have had people ask me about how I FEEL, they ask me how I handle seeing all my friends/family get pregnant or have babies, if it is hard spending 30+ grand on a baby, why we wanted to adopt an African American baby, will I be sad that my baby won't look like me, so here it is.

I never thought that getting pregnant or starting a family would be this hard, because it was just something that I knew all my life that I wanted to do. I WANTED to me a MOM!!! But for some reason Heavenly Father has decided to hold off on giving us a baby right now. Along this whole journey I have never once felt bitter towards anyone that has kids or that was pregnant, I wanted to feel happy for them because I knew it was a miracle in and of itself. I did get sad when I would hear of people having their 2nd or 3rd baby and I still hadn't had one yet. But I think we are all allowed to be sad some days and feel bad for ourselves. I don't think that it makes us any less of a person or pulls us farther away from our Savior, I just think that in those moments we can decide to let it overcome us or we can overcome it. I have definitely had those days where I felt like infertility overcame me, but in those moments I had a strong and wonderful man that kept reminding me of what we really wanted and that it will all be worth it. I would never be able to get through this without Andrew by my side. He is my rock!   

So how do I feel? I feel grateful! Now that may sound odd that I feel grateful right now, but aren't we taught to be grateful for the difficult times for in those times we grow? I feel like this is one of those times where I am supposed to grow and learn from everything that I have been through. Why? I don't know, but I am willing to wait and see. Andrew and I have been able to grow as a couple over the past 3+ years of trying to get pregnant, we have been able to become closer as a couple and know that we have a strong foundation to get through the tough times.

Is it hard to see others having babies? Yes, if it weren't I wouldn't be human. But I love to see those new mom's and their beautiful babies. I love to snuggle them and I am grateful that I have so many sweet friends/family that are so kind and understanding that they say "come over and snuggle anytime!"

Is it hard to spend that much $$$?? Ask yourself if it would be hard to drop 30+ grand at a moments notice, but if it is something that you have wanted so badly for so long wouldn't you be willing to do what ever it takes to get it? Well that is how we feel about a baby, we are willing to do whatever it takes to start a family!

Why an African American baby? Well because ever since I was a little girl all I wanted was to be a mom of a black baby girl and my mom would say honey only if you marry a black man. Well Heavenly Father is just making my dreams come true in a unexpected way. Andrew and I always knew we wanted to adopt (we didn't although know that we wouldn't be able to get pregnant) and we talked about it and we both felt like we could love any child of any ethnicity just like we would a biological child.

Will it be hard that my babies don't look like us? Yeah I've shed a few tears about this exact topic but then I remember when my mom, dad, Justice and I were in Richfield at some games and we were eating at Pepperbellies when the waitress came up to us and said that she could tell that I was my mother's daughter (I get that quite often) but she also said that she could tell that my little brother (who is adopted) looked just like my dad!!! And I thought ya know it doesn't take blood to make a family, yeah my little girl will not look like me but that doesn't mean that she won't act like me or have the same little quirks as me. So I have to remember that my baby will be just as loved even if she doesn't look like us!

Now like I said at first I don't want anyone feeling bad or sad I just wanted to answer some questions that I have been asked a lot from people that love us and want the best for us. We are truly so blessed to have such amazing friends and families that love us and support us in everything that we do! Thanks so much!
I want all ya all to know that I am an open book and I don't get offended easily, so if you have questions about the infertility or adoption please feel free to ask! I want everyone to feel comfortable with the adoption so ask me anything!